Here comes some idiot Dark Elf running past me, running straight down the road that is going to lead him to Felwithe. I scratch my head, and being the nosey sort of Dwarf that I am...I send him a tell.

I tell the DE, "Wait"

DE tells me, "?"

I sigh into my ale as I take another longt draught off of it before running up to him and saying, "Ye really don't wanna go messin around over there with them High Elves' They look like pansies, but they aint."

The DE stands there with a vacant look on his face for a few minutes before just running away. Do a /who on the DE and find out he's 31st level. Ok, so maybe he knows what he's doing. I've seen Ogres in North Freeport, after all. I go back to drinking my ale.

Out of curiosity, I send him another tell a few minutes later.

I tell the DE, "Not gettin' into any trouble over there are ye?"

DE tells me, "**** !@#$% roleplayer"

I sigh into my ale again, finishing it off. Ah, tis the season of the twit. I stand up and head towards Felwithe to resupply my ale.

Just as I get to the gates of the ugliest city on Norrath, what do I find but a dead dark elf and a pair of guards snickering and cleaning their weapons. Now this is priceless.

I do a /who on the poor soul and see he is in Burning Woods. Being the sucker that I am, I feel compelled to rez the twit...after all, I am a !@#$% roleplayer and I roleplay a !@#$% cleric...albeit a !@#$% grumpy one.

I sit down to mem Reviviscene and while I am waiting for it to refresh I send the DE a tell.

I tell the DE, "Would ye like a rez?"

DE tells me, "no i want a !@#$% sow dumbas i have to run south to get my corpse back so dont be a **SMURF** and just sow me plz"

I look around for an ale but unfortunatly Brell hates me at this moment in time, so I simply reply. "If I rez ya, ye wont need to run south to yer body. You will appear at yer body. I am not standing near you, I am standing near yer corpse."

DE tells me, "d00d rez plz"

As I sigh I look at my Holy Symbol of Brell and sigh "I'm gonna get a stout named after me right?" and I tell the DE "Consent me so I can rez ya" but I get no reply. No reply at all. So I say it again "Consent me so I can rez ya"

DE tells me, "ok you can rez me"

I sit down again at this point. I have no ale and this is gonna take awhile. I tell the DE, "Type /consent and my name" Being a smart dwarf I tell the DE, "/consent Cleric_01" and say again "Just like that" before he can make my head hurt more.

Sure enough, I recieve consent to drag his corpse. So I stand up and get ready to drag the corpse when suddenly I am denied permission to drag his corpse. I begin to think like him and I think "***?" So I tell the DE, "No...just type it once. One more time. That's it. Dont type it again" thinking that as soon as I get this over with, I can go buy more ale and my head will stop hurting.

I recieve consent and I quickly drag it towards the zone since this is the direction the guy was going anyway. I get the body by the zone and cast Rez on it, comforted by the fact that I am one heal away from being done with this guy.

The naked DE appears in front of me and I stand up to cast my final spell of this exchange when he says to me "your that !@#%% roleplayer" and then a moment later, almost as an afterthought "thx"

Compelled at this point, I ask "Why were you running into Felwithe when you are KoS?"

DE says, "I was going to burned woods"

I say, "Burning Woods?"

DE says, "no **Halfling** i go there when i die i want to hunt burned woods"

I say, "Who told you to go hunting in Burned Woods, inside Felwithe?"

DE says, "some **SMURF** who wouldnt sow me" and then "will you sow me plz, its for a CR"

I stand there drooling on myself for a moment, trying to catch up. I havent had an ale in a good 20 minutes at this point, so I am starting to see spots.

DE says, "dont be a **SMURF** just sow me before they move the zone again"

I stare at the lad and ask "Move Burned Woods? Again?"

DE says, "yea"

I finally snap and say, "They aren't going to move it again. Once they moved it to Western Wastes, with all the snow, it stopped burning."

DE says, "i saw a burning tree"

I say, "Exactly my point. Now if they would only move Burning Woods there it would stop too and people wouldn't go there when they die."

DE says, "can you sow me, its for CR"

I say, "sow doesnt work in IC until you get past EW and then it will work for CR's only until you get to WW, then ask the first person you see for sow there." I add as an afterthought "Sometimes they look like flying blue things but they can sow"

DE says, "***???"

I say, "Allow me to use smaller words. You do not need a sow yet. Do what I say and you'll get there right away."

"Sit down and mem the spell Bind Affinity."

DE is silent for a bit and finally says "its red" as he is standing up

I say, "I am glad they covered Colors this week. Now target yourself and cast this spell. " He just stands there for a minute, so I add "it will r0ck" and he begins to cast the spell, binding himself behind the guards at Felwithe. I feel somewhat better already, maybe I dont need ale.

DE says, "it said bound" and begins to giggle

I say, "Now sit down and mem the spell Iceclad Gate. This will r0ck even more."

DE says, "this one is green"

I say, "You're **SMURF** good at those colors man"

DE says, "thx"

When the DE stands up I say "This is going to take you to Iceclad Ocean. It's an ocean so that's why they moved Burned Woods there....to put it out."

DE says, "what about sow"

I say, "Remember that sow wont work until you are on a CR in WW. In fact you actually run faster in snow if you set the RUN button to WALK. Do that now."

DE says, "ok"

I say, "Now cast Iceclad Gate....the Green one. Remember to run straight out of where you appear and dont stop swimming until you hit Burned Woods."

DE begins to cast a spell and I zone in to get my ale....remembering that the Ignore list cures most headaches that ale cant and feeling somewhat better about going back to Sebilis.